November 19, 2016

National Adoption Month: His Story (Week 3)

When I realized God was calling me to share about adoption throughout November, National Adoption Month, I didn't think through the weekly topics. I have been going week to week and listening through scripture, how readers respond to the topics, and thinking through our personal experiences.

This particular topic is very personal. Not that all of our adoption story is, but this post is about our son's story. And mostly, how my husband and I plan to keep much of his story private. 
Don't be offended. Instead, place yourself in his shoes - the ones that are almost too small because his sweet, long, thick, wide toddler feet are growing. When you squeeze yourself in those tiny shoes, think of this - It is his story to know first and decide how, if, and when he wants to share it.
Of course there are plenty of details about adoption, and even our personal experience, that we share publicly. There are also some more detailed experiences relating specifically to the adoption process that we share one-on-one with other couples considering adoption.

Then, there are the things that we will not share. Do you know how awkward it is for someone to ask how much your child cost? There is so much that goes into adoption expenses, like counseling with licensed social workers, legal counsel/documents, securing a safe home for birth mothers, and so much more.

While adoption has changed through the years, some things remain very private. Specific details are pretty much off limits for our family. We must respect the privacy of our son, first and foremast. I am his protector. I must protect him from information until he is ready to know. He will know every detail at the right time throughout his life, as he is mentally and emotionally able to comprehend. We also have the utmost respect for our son's birth mother's privacy. It is not our place to share her story.
However, if any of these details have been proactively shared with you, that's different. There is a reason we felt it important for you to know. There is a big difference in being told than asking.
So, here's a list of topics I encourage you to never ask any adoptive parent: 
Reasons for adoption (either from the birth parent or parent viewpoint)
Birth family history
Birth family appearances
Birth locations

I'm sure there are others, but these are the biggies. These topics can cause a mama bear to react by stumbling over her own words, giving you the stink eye, being very direct and shutting down the conversation, or even conjure up raw emotions. Any of these reactions will leave everyone in the conversation feeling awkward.

Much of this is an educational process. As a family, we are still learning! Thankfully, we have our Christian Adoption Consultant (CAC) consultant. She graciously provided us with guidance and wisdom all through adoption journey. I am still actively engaged in our private Facebook group made up of CAC consultants and other parents. We ask each other for insight and share our personal experiences.

This is very serious stuff but that doesn't mean it can't be shared in a light-hearted way. When we were in the early part of our adoption journey, I was totally schooled by a hilarious video about the right and wrong ways to ask certain questions and questions that should never be asked. The title of the video is actually, "If you wouldn't say it about a boob job..." That title though! But it makes so much sense the way this guy says it. Watch it here!

But really, this is my son's story we are talking about. Think about if everyone knew everything about you, before you did. This is my son's story and meant for him to share how, if, and when he wants. Thank you for respecting our son, our family and all adoptive families.

No comments :

Post a Comment

Blog Design by Get Polished