November 4, 2016

National Adoption Month: Love (Week 1)

November is National Adoption Month.
As a mama through domestic adoption, I would like to share some thoughts from my family's experiences with the hope of positively influencing impressions and knowledge of adoption in today's culture. Let's start with a beautiful side adoption that not many people don't consider and may even find hard to believe. Trust me when I share this with you.
Birthmothers love their babies.
If she didn't, she would not have chosen life for her child and followed through with what is nothing short of God's miraculous master plan in choosing parents for her son or daughter. You and I know the options she has available to her. My heart drops at the thought of what my son's birthmother could have chosen, but she didn't. I have actually become weak in the knees and sick to my stomach thinking of one alternative. One night when my mind jumped to that one specific alternative, I went straight to my son's nursery, pulled him from his crib, held him, and thanked God for his life and for his birthmother's choice for his life.

After being matched with our son and his birthmother and right before his birth, my fleshly insecurities became increasingly controlling over my faith. I came across a website with a post titled, "10 Things Every Birthmother Wants Adoptive Parents to Know" by Patricia Dischler. Ms. Dischler is an author, speaker, child care professional, and birthmother.

Dischler wrote, "There are 10 things every birthmother thinks about, wishes for, and hopes for when placing their child for adoption. If you are in an open adoption, you may have heard some already, if not, they are important to know."  This is her list:

  1. I did not place my child because she was “unwanted.” I wanted her so much that I continued a pregnancy filled with unanswered questions.
  2. I chose adoption because I loved my child. This parental love allowed me to put his needs before my own when making my choice.
  3. This choice affected more than just me. She has a Grandmother, a Grandfather, and Aunts and Uncles who love her as well, and she will be missed.
  4. I wish for the day I can look into my child’s eyes and tell him I love him one more time.
  5. I hope that you will teach my child about her beginnings – about where she was born and who I am.
  6. I hope you will teach respect to my child by showing respect for me in your discussions.
  7. I wish I could be there to answer my child’s questions about adoption, but I trust you to answer them truthfully as best you can.
  8. I will never stop thinking about my child. She will always be a part of who I am.
  9. I would never try to disrupt my child’s new family with you. I put too much emotion and suffering into making this choice to allow anything to disrupt it – including me.
  10. In my eyes, you will always be my child’s Mom and Dad. And that thought brings me happiness.
Source: The Cradle

I will never forget reading this list and then this sentence that she said her son's mother once wrote to her, "Children are never really ours, they are just entrusted to us for a time by God.”
I cried like a baby while sitting in my car and reading her words. God broke me down right there, humbled me, and helped ease my insecurities. I won't pretend that day was the last time my human instincts consumed me, but when they have and do, I always come back to this list and pray for love to conquer any fears.

So when you begin your adoption journey or learn of a family member or close friend's dream of becoming parents through adoption, I encourage you to make a special place in your heart to love birthmothers and consider the journey she is walking and will walk the rest of her life. It's easy to conjure up ideas of how and why. Regardless of the details, know that she loved her baby.

As my son's mama, I love his birthmother in this exceptional, special way that can't be described in words. I will raise him to love her too.

To read Patricia Dischler's post in its entirety, click here or visit her website, Patricia Dischler.

1 comment :

  1. Please note that any child under the age of three needs to be accompanied by a parent or caregiver at all times. click here


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